Allison Nazarian published a piece this week that resonated like mad with me. What her essay http://AllisonNazarian.com/youre-either-following-or-blazing-end-of-story meant to me is all about not hiding who I really am, and daring to dream BIG dreams for ME, not others. No longer trying to be someone I’m not.
For example, a part of who I am goes loopy for the Jimmy Dean Breakfast commercials that use the Sun. If you haven’t seen them, there are two in particular that grab me – one in which Rainbow is colorless because she didn’t have breakfast, and the other in which the planets aren’t properly orbiting because they didn’t have breakfast.
Anyway, Sun brings them breakfast and suddenly all is right with the world; Rainbow even gets a Leprechaun and a pot of gold.
But what really brings a tear to my eye – I’m not kidding, ask my family – is Sun’s interaction with the Planets. Once they’ve eaten and resume orbiting, he affirms them out loud. Truthfully, as I sit here this morning, I cannot tell you exactly what words he uses, but it seems like, “You are wonderful”.
I guess there is a huge wounded part of me that needs to hear those words, needs to have someone gently tell me that it’s OK for me to exist. Someone who looks inside me and sees all the mishmash parts of me and pronounces them good. Yeah, kinda like God, but not. I need the actual enfleshment.
I need to know that “the crazy lady with the bun on her head” and the hippie-has-been/wannabe and the aspiring businesswoman-blogger are OK. Acceptable. Not signs that I need a lot more sleep, or that my personality is fragmenting, or that I need medication, a keeper and a rubber room.
“I am a part of all I have met” and I’m guessing that this blog is going to be my way of reconciling all these ‘accounts’ with a pen of grace into a plus balance in my life’s ledger.