Jen Lemen posted this at Tracey Clark’s I am Enough:
“I will be myself–a girl who desperately needs to be loved exactly as she is–even if for all of her punishing and exacting efforts, she never gets much better than she is right now. A woman who has no idea what to do but who gives her whole heart and cannot bring herself, despite the odds, to stop trying.”
I burst into tears sitting here. Because I do punish myself, and expect perfection of myself. I am NOT perfect, I am human, and I know myself to be broken. I shoulder all of the burdens, accept all the responsibilities, and never relax my grip. Even now, as I write this, I am trying to figure out how to save my daughter from financial ruin.
Many years ago, I’m not sure where, I read these lines and memorized them:
“. . . and if anyone is, for a moment, gentle with me, then I dissolve, I am completely undone. . .”
I can’t seem to bring myself to look in the mirror and say gentle and loving words. These words. And believe them. Oh, how I wish I could.
It’s not your fault.
You did everything you could.
You ARE awesome.
You’re special, just being you.
I love you just the way you are.
No matter what you do, I will always love you. No matter what.
These are words that I have taught myself to say to my kids. Pretty much every day, even now.
I wish that someone had said them to me.
I wish there had been someone to say them to me.