I thought that I was making a difference because I stayed home.
I kept my daughters close to me, to teach them the homely virtues, cooking (from scratch), sewing (mending and making clothes) and gardening (fresh organic food). I knew I couldn’t save the world, but I hoped I could make a difference to the next generation.
What I didn’t teach them was how to have self-esteem, independent of what you “do”, just in and of yourself, because you simply “are”.
As is apparent, this is one of my struggles, too. I want to feel good inside my own skin, whether or not I look “right”, whether or not I am able to “do stuff”. Being increasingly incapacitated is hard to bear.
I’ve been following http://bit.ly/aRT37f Debbie Hampton’s blog about recovery from traumatic brain injury, and it is inspiring me.
She is showing me that there ARE ways back to myself, which teaches me that I can change. I can learn to love me in the here and now, much as you all remind me to tell me I love me. It may take awhile for me to fully integrate the practice, and longer still to profit from it, but it sure as h*ll beats sitting here whining, which I worry that sometimes you feel I do.