Christmas is coming. I have no Christmas spirit. Although we may see DD20 on Christmas Day, her sisters will not be around. Our extended families either are scattered or no longer interested in being together for holidays.
DD23 has gone to visit her husband for 10 days, leaving me with 2 extra cats, one less car and STILL no printer. There’s also the matter of the rain-check I got at Walgreen’s for 3 pounds of butter (for the Christmas cookies) that she forgot to leave here. ARGH!!
She will most likely be back on the 14th, only to leave again on the 16th. I hope she’ll be back around the 28th, but she may extend her stay till after New Year’s. Sigh. One of her cats is a holy terror; she has reduced MY cats to growling, cowering messes.
DD28 will be out of town, visiting her boyfriend’s family for Christmas. I know it’s only fair. And I would never admit it to anyone, for fear of being seen as demanding, or controlling. But I miss my kids at home for Christmas. There’s no point without them; DH can be a real Grinch at times.
We will not be having a tree this year; DD23’s kitten renders that notion ridiculous. As it is, she messes about behind the entertainment center and turns off the TV and cable by walking on the power strip. I just know she’d bring down a tree! Not to mention trees are ridiculously expensive ($40-$50 here).
Also thanks to her cat, we have no decorations up. She has taught all of them to displace anything that’s on a flat surface. SIGH.
There won’t be money for gifts this year. Which is not necessarily a bad thing – we’re all hurting financially. So I told the girls that they’d get a box of cookies, and a copy of all our “home” recipes. They seemed OK with it. And it’s practical.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO DO IT!!!
It just seems like so much work.
And I don’t know what to put them in.
I want this gift to be identical, so no one starts comparing and feeling slighted. I toyed with the idea of writing them all out by hand (so any grandkids could see my handwriting and know I existed), but I don’t know what on, or what in (like a notebook, or composition book). I even thought about typing them all into the computer and printing them out on scrapbook paper. Of course, I DON’T HAVE A PRINTER!!! I have tried to get the drivers on-line, but cannot. (I swear, the first thing that girl is going to do the day after she gets back is find the cords and driver CDs so I can get busy!!!)
That’s when I began to suspect that my old demon of perfectionism was trying to run the show.
I also feel like crap. INSERT MAIN WHINE HERE. I cannot stand up straight, can’t stand for any length of time, have some kind of issue in my mouth (thought I’d just burned it badly but now I’m not so sure) which is bothering my ear and sinus. My skin is so dry that I leave white powder behind when I take off my shirt and slacks, and my hair needs a decent cut. END OF WHINE.
I’m probably depressed, I’m dreadfully sleep-deprived and physically I’m in bad shape.
I remember when Christmas was joyful, even without much money. There’d be an Advent chain to count down the days to Christmas, listing an activity we’d do as a family, there was baking, card writing (I used to send about 50 cards), decorating the house, and music – we’d have Christmas music on all the time and we’d light candles and simmer potpourri to make it smell like Christmas.