But you just can’t.
I have no words to express the depth of my disappointment. I went back to the orthopod today to get two more shoulder and knee cortisone shots, the opposites of last week.
He orders more x-rays, and shakes his head as he probes to find where to insert the needle.
“You have fibromyalgia and will need surgery on both shoulders, in addition to the bi-lateral knee replacements. I want you to talk to your primary care doc and bring in a rheumatologist to be part of your care team”.
After booking the initial appointment with the surgeon, dazed, I limp to the bench where my oldest daughter waits. I drop down and the tears can’t be stopped.
I am a legend in my own mind, a 58 year old petite bodybuilding blogger; now all I can hear is Marlin’s voice. And I sob.
Though my gut-wrenching sobs I hear a song.
“Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulders.
Don’t you know that the hardest part is over?
Let it in, let your clarity define you in the end.
All lives depend on these small hours,
these twists and turns of fate. . .”
By the time I can schedule surgery, DD22 will be finished at work. Did God burden her to quit so she could minister to me? When we are in the flow, the center of His perfect will, He arranges things and they are foolish to fight against.
Eyes on the goal.
Keep moving forward.